so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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