It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
