In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
