And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I can't put those talents on a resume
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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