Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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