Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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