The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
