she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
