he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
