i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
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