My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
