My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
