i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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