Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
