Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
