Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
