What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
So gin and wine won't be happening again
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Randomize
