before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
