Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
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