You just made me feel so damn special
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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