My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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