You can't special order awesome
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
