Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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