He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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