There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Me too!
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
