dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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