Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
