my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
