I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
