you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
