maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
