im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize
