I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
