just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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