hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
