I am spending my child support on dildos
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Come see our sink grown plant.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
