you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
