Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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