youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
