Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
