I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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