from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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