Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
