she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
