I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
