Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
