4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
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