I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Randomize
