Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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