I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
