I must be too annoying 4 u.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
