He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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